What is Your Central Value for Your Family?

What is Your Central Value for Your Family?

To investigate, download the new Family Connections Coaching primer on your family's central value now!

 

  • Learn more about the different effects of bad central values
     
  • 4 concise pages of research-backed explanation and tips
     
  • Includes exclusive material from the forthcoming Family Connections Coaching book, "Growth Centered Family"

How to Use Failure to Grow - For You and Your Family

Do you even know how awesome failure can be?

To find out, download the new Family Connections Coaching primer on failure now!

 

  • Learn more about what failure really means, what to do when it happens - and how to use it for your benefit
     
  • 4 pages of research-backed explanation and tips
     
  • Practical exercises to help you leverage failure right now

Newsletter: What is your central value and priority in life?

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Does your center have enough mass, light, and heat?
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Why mass, light, and heat?


Life.

If we want growth versus stagnation or decline, we need a central value and priority that enlivens us! For many, it's money. But how does money fair against the following descriptions of a life-generating center?

We need our center to enable us to see what's really going on in the things that matter most - what is happening with our souls, the souls of those we love most, and the connections between us.

We also need our center to energize us to believe and love our families through thick and thin - to be motivated to work through and overcome the most significant challenges to growing intimacy, generativity, and integrity. 

If our center does not do those things, it is likely running on codes of scarcity:
  • "There's not enough." (time, money, resources, opportunities, etc)
  • "More is always better." (especially money)
  • "That's just the way it is." (scarcity is the universal, eternal, presiding truth)
Lynne Twist  goes into detail in her book, The Soul of Money. 

In contrast to scarcity, she also identifies and explains the life generating code of sufficiency:
"Sufficiency is an act of generating, distinguishing, making known to ourselves, the power and presence of our existing resources, and our inner resources. Sufficiency is a context we bring forth from within that reminds us that if we look around us and within ourselves, we will find what we need. There is always enough."

Question is does our center encourage us to live out this belief?

If it does, we are freed to grow towards the maturity of wholeness, where we can experience life abundant, regardless of how much money we have or don't have. 

It really boils down to what we subconsciously, instinctively believe about ourselves - we are not enough / we are enough.

What kind of center is driving your soul? Your family? Your organization? If it's scarcity, health and growth are likely lacking. If it's sufficiency, I'll bet there's blessing and thriving!

A coaching partnership creates structure and commitment to give time and attention to discovering and developing your desired center to achieve more of what matters most to you. Book some time and let's chat!



 
Cecil Wong is a Certified Life Coach from San Francisco, California with over 25 years of experience in leadership and teaching. He works with children, families, individuals, organizations and companies, combining personal and professional development.

Life coaching is all about getting clear about your dreams and putting the practical pieces in place to make them happen. 

Family Connections Coaching is about achieving more of what matters most.

Check out revamped website!
FamilyConnectionsCoaching.com
FamilyConnectionsCoach@gmail.com
415.420.8719


 Over this past year Cecil has been a great source of encouragement and clarity in helping me break down how to pursue my goals.  I’ve never been more aware of the inner workings within myself and they so often directly correlate to the outworking of my goals.  From areas of pursuing professional growth, straightening relationship, or achieving balance and rest, Cecil has been consistent in helping me realize the obstacles and the simple steps necessary to overcome them.  I highly recommend Cecil in his coaching as I know he will be a great source of encouragement in helping anyone reach higher goals and success. 

Billy W., Phillipines

 

 


More testimonials >

________________________
Click on the gorilla for some of
Jim Collins' thoughts about B.H.A.G.'s:
Click this pic for some of my thoughts on a faith BHAG:
 

Pull the trigger on pursuing the dream of something huge and audacious, that will rock your world and bless your relationships, maybe even change THE world! 

 

 
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Newsletter: What is your central value and how does it help your family?

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What is your Center and how is it helping you and your family?
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We all have one but when was the last time you evaluated it?


For a happy new year, how about contemplating its effects on you and your family? Your organization?

If it's work, your relationships are likely compromised as you may not be as present as others need you to be. You might think work is supposed to be central at work; just makes sense, right? Healthy families, businesses and organizations know it's always about people. Period.

If it's play, your responsibilities might be neglected. Joyful play is essential but if it inhibits your contributions to healthy functioning of your home or organization, it will diminish not only your productivity, but also your sense of self-worth.

If it's negativity, you're probably not very good company. Your emotional health has been compromised, decreasing your energy, leading to less and less movement. Less movement is less life as movement is a primary indicator of something being alive.

However, if it it's growth, you're aligned with the universe and ready to learn, change, and develop to discover and experience success, freedom and fulfillment of meaning and purpose.

2 primary parameters for effective functioning in our universe are time and life. Managers (supervisors and parents) in general have long neglected these and countless people have suffered from the lack of wisdom and understanding into what happens to life as time passes, whether it's the life of an individual or the organization.

Check out this article from the May-June 1998 issue of Harvard Business Review. Here's the conclusion:

"Clearly, there is still much to learn about processes of development in organizations. The phases outlined here are merely five in number and are still only approximations. Researchers are just beginning to study the specific developmental problems of structure, control, rewards, and management style in different industries and in a variety of cultures.

One should not, however, wait for conclusive evidence before educating managers to think and act from a developmental perspective (bold italics are mine). The critical dimension of time has been missing for too long from our management theories and practices. The intriguing paradox is that by learning more about history, we may do a better job in the future."

Just think about the struggle we parents have with our kids as they become teenagers. The first decade is a joy; but by age 12, our worlds are turned upside down. Conflicts and relational break down occur from holding onto what used to work, what other parents are doing, or what we've 'know' is best. Holding onto ineffective solutions is indicative of a non-growth center.

What's missing? A center that generates and fosters thinking and acting from a developmental perspective with data and knowledge about the various stages of human maturation; not only childhood and adolescent stages but also the seasoned ones ie. intimacy, generativity, and integrity. Lacking intimate knowledge of our kids due to shallow or weak relationships will compound this problem. 

I'm currently working on a book titled, A Growth Centered Family. Here's an excerpt:

"A growth centered family is a unit of people living in accordance with the most important, unchanging principles of the universe.

There is order in this world and thanks to the many areas of knowledge, we’re learning more about it now than ever. For us humans, there are 2 mega-categories in which we would do well to develop a high level of understanding and application, especially when it comes to raising a family; they are time and life. More specifically it’s what life does as time passes. How we perceive and deal with life and its changes (ours and others) is pretty much at the root of what determines our movements, conditions, resiliencies and destinations. Our quality of life, life direction, success and fulfillment can be traced to how we view life and our understanding into its, purposes, evolutions and stages from beginning to end. When we align with the created order, centering on what matters most, we can continue to grow in vitality, freedom, grace, and gratitude."

This is the core message of Family Connections Coaching. I will go more into what, why and how in upcoming issues of this newsletter as well as in my book. Hope you'll find the content encouraging and helpful.

Grandest and warmest wishes to you and yours for 2017 and beyond! Book some time and let's chat about what you want to grow and develop in yourself, your family, your organization.



 
Cecil Wong is a Certified Executive Life Coach from San Francisco, California with over 25 years of experience in leadership and teaching. He works with children, families, individuals, organizations and companies, combining personal and professional development.

Life coaching is all about getting clear about your dreams and putting the practical pieces in place to make them happen. 

Family Connections Coaching is about achieving more of what matters most.

Check out revamped website!
FamilyConnectionsCoaching.com
FamilyConnectionsCoach@gmail.com
415.420.8719


 “I’ve been meeting with Cecil regularly for over a year and have benefited greatly from his coaching help. I came to him unmotivated, unemployed, unfocused, and unsure of what to expect…During the meetings, Cecil guides me through a great deal of life reflection…giving me a better understanding of my identity and value in God – and how that impacts the decisions and outcomes of my life.

Most notably, I’ve recently been told on several occasions by my family and friends that they’ve noticed a great change in my connectedness with people…because I’ve grown in my capacity to love others and to love myself. I’m most proud of the progress that we’ve made in this area, since this has been particularly a struggle throughout my life and my personal resolution for 2012.

Great resource of accountability and valuable insight as my life coach for the last several years. Helped me achieve much more than i can alone and to just be in a better place mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Prior to meeting with Cecil, I would often find myself at the end of year dealing with the same unresolved issues with each passing year. Working with Cecil through my life experiences (struggles, disappointments, failures, successes, etc.) has been invaluable to me. The way I see it, progress in God’s gift of life to me and the growing capacity to enjoy it is priceless.

A few of the standout qualities of Cecil that I’ve appreciated and benefited from are:
-strong leadership skills to guide me to a point of clarity/focus from the most confusing and lost moments
-great capacity to help me make real-life connections with God’s truth should that be my desire
-flexibility in accommodating my schedule 

~ G. W., San Bruno, October 10, 2013
 

More testimonials >

________________________
Click on the gorilla for some of
Jim Collins' thoughts about B.H.A.G.'s:
Click this pic for some of my thoughts on a faith BHAG:
 

Pull the trigger on pursuing the dream of something huge and audacious, that will rock your world and bless your relationships, maybe even change THE world! 

 

 
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Newsletter: What benefits do we get from a strong, stable sense of self worth?

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It's like having a weak immune system.
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What benefits do we get from a strong, stable sense of self worth?


Well, it's like a healthy immune system.
  • We're less vulnerable to attacks from rejection and failure.
  • We bounce back quicker from set backs.
  • We're better at learning from mistakes.
  • We're less chronically stressed because we're able to set healthy boundaries to balance our lives.
  • We have energy to healthily develop ourselves through each life stage.

On the other hand, what happens to us if our self esteem is low?
  • Self blame
  • Take things too personally, making negative feedback more stressful, resulting in less self control thus increasing mistakes and failures which leads to more self blame - a vicious cycle.
  • Experience more pain from rejections and failures
  • Lose sense of who we really are and become something we're not
  • We're less persistent after failures and overgeneralize its meaning
  • More vulnerable to anxiety and depression
  • Higher retention of cortisol in blood
And what happens if we don't do anything about it?
  • Less likely to recover from loss and trauma
  • We're much less adaptive.
  • Isolate ourselves to minimize risks of rejection and pain.
  • Increase self protection which decreases openness to emotional nutrients, help, and support
  • With chronic higher levels of cortisol come high blood pressure, poor immune systems, suppressed thyroid glands, reduced muscle and bone density, and poor cognitive performance
  • Feeling unworthy becomes a part of our identity and this increases resistance to positive affirmation and encouragement.
  • Rejection of everything and everyone that does not align with our negative self perceptions (very problematic in personal relationships).

So how do we increase our sense of self worth?

Here are some starters:
  • Embrace the fact that we need to strengthen our emotional immune systems (self-esteem) not beat them down.
  • Purge emotionally abusive voices in our heads; adopt kinder / more supportive ones.
  • Get rid of BS belief that more self-compassion will cause slacking off and decrease performance (resulting in lower self-esteem)
  • Exercise: Identify and affirm strengths
    • Get 2 pieces of paper
    • On first sheet, list 10 of your attributes and achievements most meaningful to you.
    • While brainstorming, write any negative / sarcastic thoughts on 2nd sheet.
    • Pick most important item from 1st sheet and write brief essay with why it’s of such value and what you hope it will do for you in the future.
    • Once essay is completed, crumple 2nd sheet and throw into garbage.
    • On subsequent days, pick another item and write about it in like manner.
For more examples and deeper explanations, pick up a copy of Emotional First Aid by Guy Winch.

We aren't shooting for high self esteem which may resemble narcissism. It's more about a healthy sense of self worth that gives us both confidence and humility with an openness to emotional pain but also the ability to manage it effectively. 

A strong and stable self esteem energizes us to be courageous, compassionate, and candid. And its primary purpose is to help us connect meaningfully and appropriately to those who matter most to us.

Ready to increase your energy for change and elevate your leadership, strategy, commitment and execution? Book a complimentary 30-60 minute session and let's chat.



 
Cecil Wong is a Certified Life Coach from San Francisco, California with over 25 years of experience in leadership and teaching. He works with children, families, individuals, organizations and companies, combining personal and professional development.

Life coaching is all about getting clear about your dreams and putting the practical pieces in place to make them happen. 

Family Connections Coaching is about achieving more of what matters most.

Check out revamped website!
FamilyConnectionsCoaching.com
FamilyConnectionsCoach@gmail.com
415.420.8719


 Cecil is very good at what he does. I am infinitely closer to my kids and they, in turn, feel open and free to tell me what weighs on their minds. Awesome. 

N. Yee, Mother & Entrepreneur

 

 Cecil constantly provides a great support to me as a coach. He does a fantastic job really listening and asking questions to guide a more in-depth dialogue that promotes personal reflection. His thoughtful insight and guidance empowers me to always find solutions and move forward in my personal and professional growth. He has made the coaching experience very enjoyable.


D.Everett, High School Counseling Director
 


 Right from the start, Cecil asked key questions that unlocked new insights into the mind and actions of our preschooler.  His strong understanding of the grace of God our Heavenly Father helped us to see how important it was to express love and empathy to our son while he learns from the natural consequences of his mistakes.  In addition, Cecil’s experience as a parent, educator and parenting coach led him to identify key patterns of our interactions with our child, which led to specific and practical strategies for dealing with challenging situations.

~Pira & Venus Tritasavit, San Francisco

 


More testimonials >

________________________

Click on the gorilla for some of
Jim Collins' thoughts about B.H.A.G.'s:
 


Click this pic for some of my thoughts on a faith BHAG:
 
 

Pull the trigger on pursuing the dream of something huge and audacious, that will rock your world and bless your relationships, maybe even change THE world! 

 

 
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Newsletter: How we deal with failure can energize us

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How we deal with failure can totally energize us for greater learning and change!
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Do you even know how awesome failure is?

Yes, failures (especially meaningful ones) always hurt, demoralize, disappoint - basically suck. And why shouldn't it? Our self esteem takes a big hit. Our confidence is smitten. And deep fears can be triggered. 

Failure is like catching a chest cold and chest colds always feel awful. If untreated, we can end up with pneumonia. Emotionally, that would equate to shame, helplessness, even depression.

The infection is caused by the thoughts of "not enough". I'm not good enough...not smart enough...not important enough...there's not enough time...not enough money...'not enough' becomes our theme song.

These negative perceptions about ourselves and our environment are not only inaccurate but also cause more damage the more we believe them. They mislead us into feeling trapped with very few options if any, other than giving up.

And if we give up, it confirms our 'not enough' perception. This scarcity mindset blinds us from seeing support, resources, services and opportunities that could help us achieve our goals.

So actually the only thing we don't have enough of is a clear understanding of failure. Failure viewed through a scarcity lens will diminish us. Failure perceived by a mindset of sufficiency empowers.

Fearlessly framing failure will increase our awareness of our repository of capabilities and capacities to overcome challenges. And if we don't find it within, we will find it externally. Failure is essential in helping us grow our leadership, strategies and executions.

This may sound like stuff you hear in business circles but it's just as applicable to the business of raising a family. You cannot raise a healthy and successful family with a mindset and soul shaped by scarcity. Children's first 6 years are times of absorption and downloading from the environment. Even in utero, from mom's blood comes all the various emotions, chemicals and hormones that mommy is experiencing.

Upon exiting the womb, what and who baby sees and hears continues to shape their subconscious - to have a foundation of openness to learning and growth, to take risks, to express or a void of fear, anxiety and insecurity where they need to be in constant protection mode, striving for acceptance and adequacy.

And a lot of this hinges on how we have dealt with failure. If our responses have fostered openness, courage and love, we are leading our family to grow that kind of culture. If we have succumbed to perceptions of scarcity, our home environment may likely be one driven by insecurity, anxiety and worry. And our kids, during the early formative years are simply downloading these signals from their environment, forming the operating system for their future behaviors and attitudes.

Here are a few ways to effectively leverage failure to help us elevate our leadership, strategy and execution:

Learn to master failure: (a writing exercise) 
  • Failure is a great teacher:  (eg. Thomas Edison) What should you do differently next time in your preparation or execution?
  • Failure provides new opportunities: (eg. Henry Ford) What opportunities might your failure possibly present?
  • Failure can make us stronger: e.g. Diana Nyad) In what ways might your failure make you stronger?
  • Some failures are also successes: (eg. Miss Universe runner up, losing playoff games, getting to final job interviews) In what ways can you view your failure as success?
  • It's about the journey. Success is not always necessary: recent studies show that pursuing goals / making steady progress contributes more toward our sustained happiness and self-fulfillment than actually reaching them. Identify ways in which you can derive meaning and satisfaction as you pursue your goals.
  • There may be unhealthy, outdated playback / code in your operating system that's preventing these inclusions. How might you want to update them to better support your behaviors that matter most?
Healthily handling failure will significantly increase energy for ongoing dynamic change and growth. Happiness and general well being are additional outcomes.

For more examples and deeper explanations, pick up a copy of Emotional First Aid by Guy Winch.

So stop avoiding failure. Encourage your coworkers, students and family members to not be afraid to fail but rather be free to learn from their mistakes. But be sure to consistently work on your own healthy openness to failure and learning from it. 

Ready to increase your energy for change and elevate your leadership, strategy, commitment and execution? Book a complimentary 30-60 minute session and let's chat.


 
Cecil Wong is a Certified Life Coach from San Francisco, California with over 25 years of experience in leadership and teaching. He works with children, families, individuals, organizations and companies, combining personal and professional development.

Life coaching is all about getting clear about your dreams and putting the practical pieces in place to make them happen. 

Family Connections Coaching is about achieving more of what matters most.

Check out revamped website!
FamilyConnectionsCoaching.com
FamilyConnectionsCoach@gmail.com
415.420.8719


 Over this past year Cecil has been a great source of encouragement and clarity in helping me break down how to pursue my goals. I’ve never been more aware of the inner workings within myself and they so often directly correlate to the outworking of my goals. From areas of pursuing professional growth, straightening relationship, or achieving balance and rest, Cecil has been consistent in helping me realize the obstacles and the simple steps necessary to overcome them. I highly recommend Cecil in his coaching as I know he will be a great source of encouragement in helping anyone reach higher goals and success. 

~ Billy W., Philippines

 


 In my short time here at Sunset Church I've been privileged to have built some very meaningful relationships with a handful of men and I'd have to say that Cecil is at the top of that list! We've been meeting on a regular basis for the past 6+ months over "great coffee" and wonderful sharing of our lives in a very meaningful and real way. Cecil has a natural gift of "pressing in" ...encouraging & motivating the life stages one faces and I feel like I've been a recipient of his genuine care for me as a man who is seeking growth and healthy life change. I'd highly recommend Cecil as a leader who can bring his spiritual leadership and coaching skills to our body at Sunset Churchc. Cecil is truly a man of integrity, a dedicated and committed man who strives to do his best in his work and personal life. He is always someone who I can rely on and feel encouraged by in our meeting times together. 


~ Michael C., San Francisco



More testimonials >



________________________


Click on the gorilla for some of
Jim Collins' thoughts about B.H.A.G.'s:


Click this pic for some of my thoughts on a faith BHAG:
 

Pull the trigger on pursuing the dream of something huge and audacious, that will rock your world and bless your relationships, maybe even change THE world! 



 


 

 
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Newsletter: Don't let uncontrolled rumination rob you of energy and time

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Uncontrolled rumination robs you of energy and time for growth and development.
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Does your mind ever get stuck?

Repeatedly thinking about painful, emotionally negative experiences is significantly unhealthy for many reasons:
  • Increases likelihood of depression by intensifying and prolonging sadness and anger
  • Increases risk for substance / activity abuse (-holisms and disorders).
  • Fosters negative thinking and attitudes and diminishes problem solving.
  • Elevates stress responses and risk for cardiovascular disease.
  • Repeated, prolonged discussions and expressions put excessive burden on relationships.
  • Inhibits positive and productive motivation, initiative, and focus.
It's like picking at scabs and never letting them heal. Pick, scab, pick, scab ad nauseum. Kept up long enough and it not only becomes a habit but also forms a scar. Of course infection can occur as well.

We want to disrupt the cycle as well as address the root cause of the rumination.

How might we do that?
  • Distractions
    • Engage in tasks / activities that will demand your attention
      • moderate to intense cardiovascular activity
      • socializing
      • puzzles, ie. sudoku, jigsaw
      • computer games
      • mental exercises, ie. envisioning a project (home improvement/ work-related)
      • test them out to see which one is most effective at various times and places.
  • Enlarge your perspective
    • See yourself in 3rd person to gain new insights and resolve
      • Close your eyes, imagine the scene; zoom out as events unfold
      • Follow the event from beginning to end.
    • Ask why instead of how; seek to understand multiple paths to action (others and yours).
  • Reframe anger
    • Change the meaning of events to an understanding that makes the event less infuriating. 
    • Exercise:
      1. Find the positive intention in your offender.
      2. Identify the opportunities (for growth, change, improvement) 
      3. Embrace the learning moment: View negative situations as strategic puzzles (of ourselves) that require creative solutions (to fortify and mature us)
      4. View the offending person / hurtful event with a larger, deeper contextual perspective.
      5. A new resolve that redeems [what saddened, disappointed, or victimized you] to spur you in a new direction; a shift in mindset that changes your attitude towards your challenges; changing what you perceived as destructive to actually being helpful.
For more examples and deeper explanations, pick up a copy of Emotional First Aid by Guy Winch.
 

Gaining control over emotional scab-picking is essential for ongoing maturation, be it personal, professional, or organizational (families, corporations, non-profits, etc). Emotional hygiene is a keystone that mustn't be overlooked, so is physical strength training but we'll save that for another time.
 

Ready to elevate your leadership, strategy, commitment and execution? Book a complimentary 30-60 minute session and let's chat.



 
Cecil Wong is a Certified Life Coach from San Francisco, California with over 25 years of experience in leadership and teaching. He works with children, families, individuals, organizations and companies, combining personal and professional development.

Life coaching is all about getting clear about your dreams and putting the practical pieces in place to make them happen. 

Family Connections Coaching is about achieving more of what matters most.

Check out revamped website!
FamilyConnectionsCoaching.com
FamilyConnectionsCoach@gmail.com
415.420.8719


After my husband and I lost our expected triplets, I felt my world turn upside down. I quit my job when I was pregnant and felt depressed and unsettled not having a job to go back to.  The life I had envisioned for myself was no longer going to be a reality. I was having a hard time pulling myself out of the emotional wreck I had allowed myself to become.

I’ve known Cecil since I was his student in the 7th grade and have always been intrigued by his love for the Lord. As I transitioned into my new life, I knew I wanted God to be the center of my life.  I needed someone with a strong faith and knowledge of the Word to guide me, so I started working with Cecil.

During our sessions, Cecil helps me reflect honestly on the issues currently impacting my life, guiding me to dig to the core issues that drive my behavior.  The work I’ve done with Cecil has allowed me to become more relational and transparent with myself, others and God.  Cecil helps me develop obtainable long term and short term action plans.  I’m still a work in progress but am on the right path to living the life God has planned for me.

~J.C., SoCal


 Initially hesitant about engaging a Life Coach, I am so glad I did! Cecil helped bring structure and guidance to my life at a time when I felt like I was juggling too many balls, and doing so poorly. He not only helped me discover the space and power to make my own choices, but he challenged me to see how I could live a life that brought me freedom and joy with some simple changes in perspective. And he always knew when to ask, “What would make this part of your life not just work, but blow your expectations out of the water?” So grateful to be a client of Family Connections Coaching.

~ M.W., SF


More testimonials >

________________________
Click on the gorilla for some of
Jim Collins' thoughts about B.H.A.G.'s:
Click this pic for some of my thoughts on a faith BHAG:
 

Pull the trigger on pursuing the dream of something huge and audacious, that will rock your world and bless your relationships, maybe even change THE world! 

 

 
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Newsletter: Guilt can help us change - if managed correctly

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Guilt can help us change but unmanaged, it can be a total energy drain!
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Guilt: hero or villain?

Unresolved or excessive guilt
will foil your growth plans!

 

When we don't healthily manage our guilt, it becomes something that disconnects us from our true selves and our best futures. This can be a massive emotional energy drain. Losing positive perceptions of ourselves and our destiny will dismantle any hope for change and growth.

It's not only the initial wrong doing and hurt but rather the ongoing cycles of hurt, guilt, and avoidance / aggression that persist. So what may seem innocuous, slowly builds up levels that become toxic.

And what about guilt-tripping? We may have good intentions to 'help' those we care about change their ways but all it does is foster resentment, superficiality, perfunctoriness, and general decline in the relationship. All which deplete energy and motivation for true, meaningful change.

How should we deal with guilt so that it doesn't inhibit our forward development and continues to have a positive effect?

Here are a few suggestions:
  • Render effective apologies: 6 ingredients
    1. acknowledge we violated expectations
    2. Clear statement of apology
    3. Request for forgiveness
    4. Validate other person’s feelings
    5. Offer atonement
    6. Acknowledge we violated expectations
  • Exercise self-forgiveness
    • Know that this will increase our ability to enjoy life and also decrease guilt and needs to avoid those we’ve harmed.
    • A process that begins with a decision that we’ve beat self up enough and we will make emotional effort to work through it.
    • First, take full responsibility and give honest accounting of wrong doing; explicitly acknowledge wrongdoing and impact on those we’ve harmed.
    • For next steps / exercises, pick up Emotional First Aid by Guy Winch.
       
  • Reengage in life
    • Remind ourselves of the many reasons why it’s important to move forward. (This may be difficult if we suffer from low self-esteem which I'll talk about in a few weeks.)
      • For sufferers of survivor guilt: Unfair to mourn so long; loved one would’ve wanted me to move on.
      • For sufferers of separation guilt: Taking care of myself (with fulfillment and joy) enables me to care even more for others.
      • For sufferers of disloyalty guilt: Letting others dictate my life means they’re leading 2 lives - not fair.
Get more and deeper explanations and examples with Emotional First Aid by Guy Winch.

Guilt can be a hero and motivate you to make significant, highly worthwhile change. But don't let it become something that will wreak havoc in your life. It has a specific, limited function - to help us right wrongs - effectively and equitably; guilt is not intended to be an entity stagnating our growth and development.

We all make mistakes and fail in diverse and numerous ways. It is challenging to have a healthy relationship with guilt yet it's essential if we are to continue evolving and maturing to be revolutionary agents of positive change.

Ready to elevate your leadership, strategy, commitment and execution to move forward and upward? Book a complimentary 30-60 minute session and let's chat.



 
Cecil Wong is a Certified Life Coach from San Francisco, California with over 25 years of experience in leadership and teaching. He works with children, families, individuals, organizations and companies, combining personal and professional development.

Life coaching is all about getting clear about your dreams and putting the practical pieces in place to make them happen. 

Family Connections Coaching is about achieving more of what matters most.

Check out revamped website!
FamilyConnectionsCoaching.com
FamilyConnectionsCoach@gmail.com



  I have known Cecil for about 3 years. We met through Sunset Church’s children’s ministry and quickly struck up a friendship because of our mutual desire to be better fathers and faith leaders in our homes.

As it turned out, Cecil became a kind of father to me as well as a close friend. I was going through very deep waters related to the absence of my father and we cried over things, ministered to each other, drank coffee together, rode bikes, and shared the journey of life together.

At first I wasn’t sure if this was ministry or friendship. I realize now this is the heart of Jesus that God wants all of us to radiate through all that we do, rather than a conflict between work and social life. This is Cecil’s strength but sadly perceived by [some] as wishy-washy, unfocused, and difficult to measure performance.

However, “the proof is in the pudding.” For years I had struggled alone and the church as a whole was unprepared and unable to help me deal with the deep pain and wounds I carried, and at best only helped me cope. But my friendship with Cecil was life changing. He presented the heart of Jesus to me in a real person: someone who spent time with me; someone who felt my grief and pain; convinced me that he liked me; wrestled with truth. We walked a dusty path together.

And now I am able to minister to others knowing this is Jesus’ way of doing things. The world needs more Cecils, especially churches and Christian organizations.

Cecil has vision, a strong heart, isn’t easily offended, is very flexible, is a faithful friend, and sees the best in people and draws that out with his talents in coaching and discipleship.

...if you want to breathe life and heart into people and help them experience Jesus and discover their own hearts and calling, then Cecil is your man. He was made for this. 

J.Preston, Moorpark CA

More testimonials >

________________________
Click on the gorilla for some of
Jim Collins' thoughts about B.H.A.G.'s:
Click this pic for some of my thoughts on a faith BHAG:
 

Pull the trigger on pursuing the dream of something huge and audacious, that will rock your world and bless your relationships, maybe even change THE world! 

 

 
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Newsletter: Harness loss and trauma to find new energy

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Mine the depths and find new energy sources!
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Treasures of post-traumatic growth

  • Meaningful changes in priorities
  • Deeper appreciation of existing relationships
  • Stronger sense of higher purpose
  • Greater life fulfillment
How do we access this wealth?

When we lose someone or something of great value or we suffer the deep distress and despair of harmful injury (physical, emotional, or mental), we experience profound interruptions that can rock us to the core: 
  • Our lives are disrupted.
  • Our identity is disrupted.
  • Our beliefs are disrupted.
  • Our relationships are disrupted.

These disruptions force new realities on us and challenge our current narratives of who we are and what we think life's about. This causes us tremendous pain and grief, and the loss and trauma can define us if we do not heal and recover to the point where we can do the defining rather than being defined.

Ready to go treasure hunting? Here are a some mining activities:
  • Immediately after the event: Talk about it or not. Depending on how you're wired, not talking about it may help you heal by not rehashing the event over and over in your mind. Or perhaps the opposite is true for you - getting it out might be your way of processing the pain to give you more clarity and peace.
  • When you're ready to recover lost aspects of yourself, try this exercise:
    • List qualities, characteristics, and abilities you possessed before the event(s) - aim for at least 10.
    • From the list, identify which you feel are most disconnected / least expressed today.
    • For each item, write a brief paragraph about why it’s no longer expressed as much as before.
    • For each item, describe possible people, activities, or outlets you could pursue to express those more than you currently do.
    • Rank items according to which are most doable and emotionally manageable.
    • Set goals of working through the list at a comfortable pace.
  • When you're ready for greater growth, deepen your sense-making: Work at fitting the events into your framework of assumptions and beliefs about the world so they’re more understandable, even growing your courage and compassion.
    • Explore 'why' versus repeating 'how it happened'. Why triggers a qualitatively different and more productive thought process; why's widen our scope of thinking and associations to consider larger existential, spiritual, or philosophical implications / understandings. A bigger picture helps us find meaning and greater internal peace
    • Ask ‘what might have been’ / counterfactuals; they help our minds exercise more abstract thinking which is necessary to uncover greater meaning; considering abstract ideas (ie. predestination, God, spirituality) help us make connections between different parts of our lives, to use analytic abilities with greater inclusiveness of intangibles to see a bigger picture.
    • All this helps break us out of rigid perspectives to consider a larger context to arrive at fresh comprehensions and new perspectives.
    • Exercise:
      • How would your life be different today if the event hadn’t happened?
      • In what ways could outcome of events been worse?
      • What factors prevented worse outcomes?
      • How grateful are you that worse outcomes didn’t happen?
These exercises can be painful but much like physical therapy after a physical injury helps strengthen movement and speed up recovery, so these processing, restorative activities can help heal and fortify your sense of self and understanding of life.

By positioning ourselves to define our losses and traumas, rather than being defined by them, not only will we access hidden treasures of loss, we will increase our energy for growth and change.

Get more and deeper explanations and examples with Emotional First Aid by Guy Winch.

Ready to elevate your leadership, strategy, commitment and execution to move forward and upward? Book a complimentary 30-60 minute session and let's chat.



 
Cecil Wong is a Certified Life Coach from San Francisco, California with over 25 years of experience in leadership and teaching. He works with children, families, individuals, organizations and companies, combining personal and professional development.

Life coaching is all about getting clear about your dreams and putting the practical pieces in place to make them happen. 

Family Connections Coaching is about achieving more of what matters most.

Check out revamped website!
FamilyConnectionsCoaching.com
FamilyConnectionsCoach@gmail.com

415.420.8719


 I’ve been meeting with Cecil regularly for over a year and have benefited greatly from his coaching help. I came to him unmotivated, unemployed, unfocused, and unsure of what to expect…During the meetings, Cecil guides me through a great deal of life reflection…giving me a better understanding of my identity and value in God – and how that impacts the decisions and outcomes of my life.

Most notably, I’ve recently been told on several occasions by my family and friends that they’ve noticed a great change in my connectedness with people…because I’ve grown in my capacity to love others and to love myself. I’m most proud of the progress that we’ve made in this area, since this has been particularly a struggle throughout my life and my personal resolution for 2012.

Great resource of accountability and valuable insight as my life coach for the last several years. Helped me achieve much more than i can alone and to just be in a better place mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Prior to meeting with Cecil, I would often find myself at the end of year dealing with the same unresolved issues with each passing year. Working with Cecil through my life experiences (struggles, disappointments, failures, successes, etc.) has been invaluable to me. The way I see it, progress in God’s gift of life to me and the growing capacity to enjoy it is priceless.

A few of the standout qualities of Cecil that I’ve appreciated and benefited from are:
-strong leadership skills to guide me to a point of clarity/focus from the most confusing and lost moments
-great capacity to help me make real-life connections with God’s truth should that be my desire
-flexibility in accommodating my schedule 

~ G. W., San Bruno, CA


 At the gut level, I know that nothing here on earth is as important to me as my family. Yet, there so many instances I fail to live out of my convictions or am at a loss as to what to do. It is so easy being distracted by other good things at the loss of the best. Cecil has helped me stay true to the people in my life I care about most. He has helped me realize that the way I relate to those closest to me, reveals where I am really at more than anything else does. I wholeheartedly recommend Cecil as a family and life coach. 

~ A.B., SF, CA


More testimonials >

________________________
Click on the gorilla for some of
Jim Collins' thoughts about B.H.A.G.'s:

Click this pic for some of my thoughts on a faith BHAG:

 

Pull the trigger on pursuing the dream of something bigger than yourself, that will rock your world and bless your relationships, maybe even change THE world! 


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Newsletter: Don't let loneliness deplete your growth energy

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Don't let loneliness deplete your growth energy!
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If relationships are what matter most (and they are)...


...then building bigger, stronger, more flexible relationship muscles should be amongst our top priorities.

What happens when these muscles are weak?

Loneliness - the first thing God identified as not good (Genesis 2:18).

Why? Check out these things that science has uncovered about chronic loneliness:
  • clinical depression
  • suicidal thoughts and behaviors
  • hostility
  • sleep disturbances
  • high blood pressure, BMI, and cholesterol, stress hormones
  • decreased immune functions
  • poor decision making, attention, concentration
  • as large a risk for shorter life as smoking
  • contagious: spending time with lonely people can increase your loneliness
  • highly neglected injury which increases its potential for damage
There are many causes of loneliness: being isolated perhaps by physical location of work or home; something or someone making us afraid of rejection and emotional pain; or just plain ole being too busy.

And things get worse when we develop protective / self-hiding attitudes (distrust, suspicion, cynicism, anxiety) and behaviors that atrophy our people-connection muscles.

And the cumulative effect will be less and less energy for growth and change. Over time, you may totally run out of gas and lose the capacity for responding to life's challenges and opportunities. Wouldn't you rather head in the opposite direction to be a life long learner who continues to mature in wisdom and grace?

So embrace these attitudes for an energy-growing, relationship muscle-building perspective:
  • We aren't at fault for our fears but our behaviors might be adding to our hurt.
  • Challenge our established perspectives
  • Take emotional risks
  • Be brave
And regularly engage in these fundamental exercises:
  • Challenge / battle negative perceptions
    • Remove negatively tinted glasses by fighting the pessimism; purposefully visualize scenarios of success that are reasonable and realistic in order to be able to identify connection opportunities.
  • Identify self-defeating behaviors
    • Think back to less than stellar social/relationship events and identify 3 behaviors 
    • Bravely and mindfully renounce them.
    • Keep list handy and review before times of connection / social events.
  • Deepen emotional bonds: Empathize 
    • Visualize yourself in another's situation in an immersive manner: go to the unnatural space of imagining the other’s feelings to capture the other’s emotional landscape; then returning to our own, convey insights thoughtfully.
    • What fears, doubts, hopes, might they have for their situation?
Get more and deeper explanations and examples with Emotional First Aid by Guy Winch.


We can be alone and not lonely and we can be lonely though not alone. Being alone can be restorative but being lonely is toxic. And the less we have of it, regardless of age, the more energy we will have for positive growth and development.


Ready to elevate your leadership, strategy, commitment and execution to move forward and upward? Book a complimentary 30-60 minute session and let's chat.



 
Cecil Wong is a Certified Life Coach from San Francisco, California with over 25 years of experience in leadership and teaching. He works with children, families, individuals, organizations and companies, combining personal and professional development.

Life coaching is all about getting clear about your dreams and putting the practical pieces in place to make them happen. 

Family Connections Coaching is about achieving more of what matters most.

FamilyConnectionsCoaching.com
FamilyCnxnsCoach@gmail.com

415.420.8719




 Cecil's ultimate goal is to help people figure out what matters most to them. This has definitely been my experience. No matter how big, small, or insignificant my issues were, Cecil is always willing to come alongside with me and coached me through. Cecil is not only an excellent listener, but he also shows genuine care to his clients. Before I had him as my coach, I was pretty stuck with both life and ministry. I wasn't sure how to move forward as well as figure things out. Today, I'm at a better place both in life and ministry. Additionally I'm at a healthier place physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I highly recommend Cecil as your coach. 

Daniel C., San Jose
 

 
 Initially hesitant about engaging a Life Coach, I am so glad I did! Cecil helped bring structure and guidance to my life at a time when I felt like I was juggling too many balls, and doing so poorly. He not only helped me discover the space and power to make my own choices, but he challenged me to see how I could live a life that brought me freedom and joy with some simple changes in perspective. And he always knew when to ask, “What would make this part of your life not just work, but blow your expectations out of the water?” So grateful to be a client of Family Connections Coaching. 

~ M.W., SF


More testimonials >

________________________
Click on the gorilla for some of
Jim Collins' thoughts about B.H.A.G.'s:

Click this pic for some of my thoughts on a faith BHAG:

Pull the trigger on pursuing the dream of something bigger than yourself, that will rock your world and bless your relationships, maybe even change THE world! 


 


 

 
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