Why be vulnerable? ...continued

Why be vulnerable? Because we need to be connected! Connections are absolutely essential for life. If we're not connected, we die or we are dying. For obvious reasons, we need to be connected to things like food and shelter. To make a living, we need to be connected to sources of monetary income. But more importantly, since we are more than just a body, we need to be connected to people so that our insides (mind, soul, emotions) are getting what we need to be healthy. Most importantly, we need to be connected to a place where we often overlook or maybe totally ignore: our passion and identity (our spirit). If we're going to live dynamic lives of love, we seriously need to be connected to that level of being. That also happens to be the place where God wants to connect with us. Whether we believe it or not, our passion and identity are places of great creativity, change and innovation. It really behooves us to tap into that tremendous resource, especially in the areas of greatest challenge, the places where we are stuck and can't seem to find a solution. Maybe it's a goal or project at work. Perhaps it is an ongoing tension / conflict with our spouse. Or, it is with our adolescent child whom we can't figure out at all. Or maybe, we have a huge dream that will transform the world! In every one of us, there is the potential for benevolent, transcendent greatness because we are created in the image of God. But often it is not realized because something (ie. fear, shame, etc.) prevents us from going to the source of all transformation. That's where vulnerability comes in. It is the way to effectively and consistently get free from the things that get us stuck, that cause us to spiral out of control. We need to be vulnerable to restore our ruptures, renew our attitudes, and reframe our motives/ challenges to move forward in the most meaningful areas of our lives. Being vulnerable is the only way we will reconnect on a regular basis with those deep places of the heart and gut to give real attention and care to others and ourselves.

Today (+/- a week), if we're honest about what's been really going on inside us, what emotions might we find? If nothing comes up, it's probably because we're on some kind of anesthetic. To not feel the  stress, pain, fear, disappointment, and despair, we've excessively worked, shopped,  played, eaten, drank, or medicated ourselves to numb the bad feelings. Why be vulnerable? So we can be aware of what we've been feeling, good or bad, in order to get better connected to reality. Once aware, we have opportunity for great courage to go where we need to go to find healing and freedom! Then we are in the land of the living and being alive means we can give attention to what's going on, to enjoy, to repair, to prioritize, to change what we do and even who we are.

Will you embrace vulnerability? Take emotional risks in the midst of uncertainty, and exposure. It will fuel our daily lives with real strength, security, and significance as we get deeply, meaningfully connected to God and others.  Vulnerability is the greatest expression of courage and love. No wonder it is the birthplace of creativity, innovation, change. In its absence, we become vain and desperate as our efforts to find satisfaction and happiness become futile.

Why be vulnerable? It gets us to talk about shame, to get it into the open and take away its hold on us. When we courageously expose what we are ashamed of (to people we trust),  we can know what's really stopping us from being who we really are to pursue what we were made for. According to Dr. Brene Brown, we have to walk through the swamplands of our souls. It's the scary, dirty, messy place where  we may feel we are a mistake, that we're never going to be good enough, or perhaps we'll hear accusations of "Who do you think you are?" All that tries to make us feel small and weak, driving us to hide the shameful person we believe ourselves to be.

If we could confront these accusations with courage, compassion, and connection, we could live whole hearted lives to experience ingenious creativity, dynamic innovation, and healing change for ourselves and those we live with. The important things become truly important and we are free to give them their due attention and care.

If we don't get vulnerable, we are on the road to becoming a person who lacks the ability to connect and empathize. The destination of that road is being a sociopath, a person with no capacity to care for another human being. He / she will destroy self and others without remorse. Why would we even want to be near that road (which leads to hell)? That is a downward spiral leading to hopelessness and utter confusion and chaos. We need to be vulnerable because it is the upward path of belief and love. It is the way to desiring and receiving the ultimate freedom for which Christ died and rose.

The precious people we touch with our lives are in dire need for us to be courageous, compassionate, and connecting. They may or may not be aware of this incredible need but it's there. God made all of us with desire for closeness and warmth, not distance and cold isolation. He also gave us the mysterious gift of pain to drive us to each other. Vulnerability enables us to properly use these 2 gifts to meet our loved ones needs. He has both demonstrated and commanded this in the person of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Why should we be vulnerable? Lastly, because it opens us up to God's grace which frees and empowers us to be wise peacemakers, like Him. What does the Gospel of grace tell us but to believe we are infinitely loved by God who did everything to reconcile us to Himself, justifying our worth on the sole basis of Jesus' death and resurrection, a two fold act where He vulnerably embraced our shame, embodying our sicknesses and mortality, only to overcome it all by being raised from the dead. Through faith in the Peacemaker and His peace making act, we become children of God. We are reborn from a belief focused on the vulnerable God-Man, the Prince of Peace. Jesus said, "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God." Following Christ's footsteps, we are most like our Father in heaven when we courageously make peace by taking the risks to boldly go where pride tries to prohibit, where lust tries to lead us away from, and where fear attempts to force us to deny. It is exactly where Jesus went as He healed the blind, lame, and diseased. It is exactly where Jesus went emotionally while on the cross. It is where He desires to minister to us today by the power of the Holy Spirit. Be vulnerable and get connected!

Why be vulnerable?

Today, a friend (thanks brother J) sent me a video link to Brene Brown talking about the power of vulnerability. Right here if you're interested: Brené Brown: The power of vulnerability What a great way to start my Friday! Here's some thoughts I took away.

Vulnerability is divinely powerful; like raise-the-dead powerful.

It may not be of interest to everyone, but those who desire to live wholeheartedly will resonate deeply with this. If we want to be true to who we are, we must be fiercely vulnerable. For to be vulnerable is to be truly alive. What will it take to be vulnerable?  Brene shared 3 C's - courage, compassion, and connection. I love how she unpacked them:

Courage: Telling your true life story with your whole heart; having the courage to be imperfect.

Compassion: Having compassion for yourself; treating yourself kindly in light of your imperfections / mistakes / failures, ie. things that cause you shame.

Connection -  from wanting to be authentic, letting go of who you should be in order to be who you are.

My addition to her thoughts about connection is who we are is infinitely greater than who we think we should be. This is Jesus' call to discipleship. "If anyone comes after Me, let him deny himself, pick up his cross, and follow me." Denying self is letting go of who you think you should be. Picking up the cross is embracing vulnerability. Following Him is becoming who God made you to be, the real you. Think about that. Today, there is someone hidden by your lack of vulnerability. But when you become vulnerable, that someone is brought to life and you discover that is who you really are, and it's not who you think you should be. You are actually so much more than your limited ideas of yourself!

Fully embrace vulnerability; what makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful and Christlike. Willingness to say I love you first. Do something where there are no guarantees. Invest in a relationship that may or may not work out. Wow, that is so real. Thanks Brene for helping me see.

"Vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and struggle for worthiness;  but also the birthplace of joy, love, and creativity." Brene, you are genius!

Brene went on to share that as she learned this, she had a breakdown which actually was a spiritual awakening. Funny, this just happens to match what Jesus taught in His Sermon on the Mount when He listed 8 attitudes for God's ultimate blessing. The first 3 identify the need to realize one's true spiritual condition, mourn and grieve it, then surrender to what God has shown you to be true about yourself and Him. Doesn't that sound like a breakdown, lol? It's amazing how this happened to a highly educated, intelligent, and extremely humorous 'research story teller', (that's how Brene wanted to professionally identify herself).

We can try to fight this universal power of vulnerability, but in the end, we will lose, like 6 feet-under kind of lose. Some of us fight by trying to numb vulnerability by getting into debt, becoming obese, or falling to addictions. But all that ends up happening is we become disconnected from reality. Others of us try to make uncertainty certain; we're driven to control and organize to get rid of the discomfort of chaos. And many of us blame as a way to discharge pain and discomfort. But in this fight, if we can lose to vulnerability while we are still breathing, we will win our lives back from denial, numbing lifestyles, pretension, hypocrisy!

So how do we lose to vulnerability? Just believe.

Each and every day, vulnerability is inviting us to believe the truth that 'You are worthy of love and belonging.' Vulnerability sure sounds like Jesus, the God and Savior which the Bible talks about.

Today, let yourself be seen, deeply seen. Love with your whole heart. Practice gratitude and joy.

Believe you are enough, even for God to sacrifice His only true Son for your forgiveness.

What does this have to do with coaching? It's the very thing that empowers the relationship to achieve your greatest, most meaningful goals. Any goal. The greatest life is lived when we are fiercely true to who we are. When our thinking is aligned with our passions and true identity, we will greatly inspire and impact this world with courage, compassion, and connection!

A potential first coaching conversation might involve...

  1. Your story
  2. What's worked well for you that has moved you forward? (i.e. faith, habits, traits, skills, relationships, etc.)
  3. What obstacles have hindered you?
  4. Who are your heroes? What do you admire about them?
  5. Are you big picture or detailed?
  6. Where are you headed in life? What goals do you have?
  7. What are you hoping to get out of coaching?
  8. What else do I need to know about you to effectively coach you?
  9. What do you need to know about me to better coach you?
  10. Are you interested? Send me a message [contact-form][contact-field label='Name' type='name' required='1'/][contact-field label='Email' type='email' required='1'/][contact-field label='Website' type='url'/][contact-field label='Comment' type='textarea' required='1'/][/contact-form]

Why get clear?

Clarity will... Deepen and enrich your relationships!

Unlock your potential to maximize learning and impact!

Overcome challenges!

Empower you to achieve your most meaningful goals!

Grow your faith and life from the heart!

Free you to be and do what you were made for!

A great example is sunlight. This single, common energy provides so much for all of life. We're able to live and thrive to make the earth a beautiful and hospitable place to be and do. The clarity it gives us is not only visual but emotional. With the exception of extreme heat, the warmth of the sun creates a safe and comfortable environment which allows us to go about the businesses of life.