Love - affection, hugs & kisses, patience, comfort, kindness, emotional connection, liberation Logic - science, principles that govern, reason, system, sound judgment, inexorable truth
How are these 2 things connected?
Something amazing happens though when people effectively synthesize both in how they relate to others, especially those who are closely connected to children and youth.When there is healthy balance of affection and authority, young people positively respond and develop respect and responsibility. The primary indicator of whether or not a healthy balance exists is empathy - and it must be consistently, profoundly felt and fostered over time. When empathy is genuinely experienced in a relationship, kids regardless of age, are able to continue in their mental, physical, emotional, relational, sexual, and spiritual development.
What about limits? Kids will learn to live within limits when care-takers, (parents, grandparents, teachers, coaches) express empathy before enforcing limits. When the relationship is a context of emotional and relational health, kids testing limits become great learning opportunities. However without that health, limits lose their effectiveness and simply become points of contention.
I teach a class using a curriculum called, "Parenting with Love and Logic". It's a great resource that teaches moms and dads how to be both loving and powerful in their kids' lives. Educators can apply the principles as well although there are resources for them specifically.
Here's what some of my students said about the class:
“The information learned from the class was so practical. The teaching through the DVD was packed with wisdom, the workbook exercises reinforced what we had learned. The other part I really enjoyed was the class discussion and sharing. Cecil did a good job facilitating and guiding the discussion.
The content of the class was so impactful that I bought more books to read on Love and Logic.
I highly recommend the class to all parents, I wish I had taken the class a lot earlier so I could have avoided a lotof struggles with my sons.”
- D. Chan, Mother of 2 sons (18, 21) studying in a Counselor Program, SF
"This class definitely gave me new and effective ideas to deal with my 5 and 7 year olds. The most powerful tool was learning how to be empathetic as well as many other informative and interesting techniques. I really enjoyed the class led by Cecil." - Jenny Lee, Accounting Manager, Mother of 2
“I recently took a great class that has dramatically changed my life.I had fun learning new skills to be a better mother but got so much more from the class.The skills that I have learned were not only useful in my everyday interaction with my children, friends and family, it has changed my life in the long run.If we have talked recently, you would have heard me raveabout what I have learned.Well, now YOU have a chance to change YOUR life.If you know me, then you know that I am not easy to impress but this class would be it.After taking this class, your family will not be the only ones benefiting, everyone around you will notice the changed person you will become!”
- Kristine, Mother of 3, SF
“First of all, thank you so much for taking time out of your precious Tuesdays to lead the parenting class. Your knowledge and wisdom on parenting as well as your personal parenting experience and challenges which you shared with the class really gave me excellent self awareness, insights and tips on how to improve my personal relationships with my children.
Here are the positive insights and tips I gain from your class:
- The vital importance of EMPATHY.
The secret to effective parenting and positive parent-child relationship is the vital need for parents like myself to show EMPATHY with our kids. I made the effort to practice showing empathy (which I hardly do prior to this class except for being a cop always in telling them what to do and what not to do) to my kids at home whenever they are sad, unhappy, upset or seemed troubled by some personal struggles/problems/challenges. I realized the more empathy I show to them, the closer they bond with me, the more they are willing to share with me openly, the more they play and joke with me, and most importantly, the more they listen and do what I tell them willingly without showing bad attitudes. Why? Because they realized I acknowledged their feelings and they feel I understand what they are going through. So I learned the key to effective change of bad behaviors/attitudes in my kids start with establishing good personal relationships with them though showing empathy.
- Being humble in saying "Sorry" to my kids whenever I offended them. I gain respect from them when I say sorry because it lets my boys know I can be wrong and make poor decisions, just like them too.
- Being gentle but firm and consistent in discipline. Stay calm and not yell but let them know I mean business in following through the consequence of their misbehavior or bad attitudes.
- Do not give out punishment or discipline when I am angry.
5. Stop being too overly protective or controlling of my kids. Be bold to allow them the freedom to make more decisions as long as it's within safe limits instead of always watching over their shoulders and telling them what to do. This will help them learn to problem solve as well as to learn from their own mistakes. I come to realize I am actually not doing any bit of good for my kids when I constantly trying to prevent them from making mistakes by telling them what to do and what not to do. Instead, allowing my kids to fail by their own poor decision makings is much more effective in learning a lesson.”
- L.Lieu, RN, Mother of 3 boys, San Francisco
Check out additional testimonials from the Love and Logic website.