Newsletter: Don't let loneliness deplete your growth energy

Don't let loneliness deplete your growth energy!
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If relationships are what matter most (and they are)...

...then building bigger, stronger, more flexible relationship muscles should be amongst our top priorities.

What happens when these muscles are weak?

Loneliness - the first thing God identified as not good (Genesis 2:18).

Why? Check out these things that science has uncovered about chronic loneliness:
  • clinical depression
  • suicidal thoughts and behaviors
  • hostility
  • sleep disturbances
  • high blood pressure, BMI, and cholesterol, stress hormones
  • decreased immune functions
  • poor decision making, attention, concentration
  • as large a risk for shorter life as smoking
  • contagious: spending time with lonely people can increase your loneliness
  • highly neglected injury which increases its potential for damage
There are many causes of loneliness: being isolated perhaps by physical location of work or home; something or someone making us afraid of rejection and emotional pain; or just plain ole being too busy.

And things get worse when we develop protective / self-hiding attitudes (distrust, suspicion, cynicism, anxiety) and behaviors that atrophy our people-connection muscles.

And the cumulative effect will be less and less energy for growth and change. Over time, you may totally run out of gas and lose the capacity for responding to life's challenges and opportunities. Wouldn't you rather head in the opposite direction to be a life long learner who continues to mature in wisdom and grace?

So embrace these attitudes for an energy-growing, relationship muscle-building perspective:
  • We aren't at fault for our fears but our behaviors might be adding to our hurt.
  • Challenge our established perspectives
  • Take emotional risks
  • Be brave
And regularly engage in these fundamental exercises:
  • Challenge / battle negative perceptions
    • Remove negatively tinted glasses by fighting the pessimism; purposefully visualize scenarios of success that are reasonable and realistic in order to be able to identify connection opportunities.
  • Identify self-defeating behaviors
    • Think back to less than stellar social/relationship events and identify 3 behaviors 
    • Bravely and mindfully renounce them.
    • Keep list handy and review before times of connection / social events.
  • Deepen emotional bonds: Empathize 
    • Visualize yourself in another's situation in an immersive manner: go to the unnatural space of imagining the other’s feelings to capture the other’s emotional landscape; then returning to our own, convey insights thoughtfully.
    • What fears, doubts, hopes, might they have for their situation?
Get more and deeper explanations and examples with Emotional First Aid by Guy Winch.

We can be alone and not lonely and we can be lonely though not alone. Being alone can be restorative but being lonely is toxic. And the less we have of it, regardless of age, the more energy we will have for positive growth and development.

Ready to elevate your leadership, strategy, commitment and execution to move forward and upward? Book a complimentary 30-60 minute session and let's chat.

Cecil Wong is a Certified Life Coach from San Francisco, California with over 25 years of experience in leadership and teaching. He works with children, families, individuals, organizations and companies, combining personal and professional development.

Life coaching is all about getting clear about your dreams and putting the practical pieces in place to make them happen. 

Family Connections Coaching is about achieving more of what matters most.


 Cecil's ultimate goal is to help people figure out what matters most to them. This has definitely been my experience. No matter how big, small, or insignificant my issues were, Cecil is always willing to come alongside with me and coached me through. Cecil is not only an excellent listener, but he also shows genuine care to his clients. Before I had him as my coach, I was pretty stuck with both life and ministry. I wasn't sure how to move forward as well as figure things out. Today, I'm at a better place both in life and ministry. Additionally I'm at a healthier place physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I highly recommend Cecil as your coach. 

Daniel C., San Jose

 Initially hesitant about engaging a Life Coach, I am so glad I did! Cecil helped bring structure and guidance to my life at a time when I felt like I was juggling too many balls, and doing so poorly. He not only helped me discover the space and power to make my own choices, but he challenged me to see how I could live a life that brought me freedom and joy with some simple changes in perspective. And he always knew when to ask, “What would make this part of your life not just work, but blow your expectations out of the water?” So grateful to be a client of Family Connections Coaching. 

~ M.W., SF

More testimonials >

Click on the gorilla for some of
Jim Collins' thoughts about B.H.A.G.'s:

Click this pic for some of my thoughts on a faith BHAG:

Pull the trigger on pursuing the dream of something bigger than yourself, that will rock your world and bless your relationships, maybe even change THE world! 



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