Your children need to learn this!

Being radically candid and caring.

How do we and our kids become people who can highly challenge and deeply care for ourselves and others?


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Effective parents, like great managers, are capable of radical candor and meaningful concern for those they care for. It's being able to empathize as well as enforce limits, being demanding but also supportive. This 'both-and' is what creates liberating cultures. And the source is integration.

I want to share with you 2 primary integrations that will take your presence and productivity to the next level.

First, heart-brain.

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When our brain and heart are on the same page, we'll have balance. The various areas of our lives (health, work, relationships, environment, possessions, rest) will receive what they need to thrive so we and our loved ones can live in sustainable ways, achieving long term goals and benefits. 

This is especially important for parents and basically anyone who is responsible for managing others. We can't effectively care for and challenge others if we're sacrificing ourselves with imbalance. Usually this is the brain killing off the heart.

Chronic imbalance is an indicator that we are not managing certain areas well; likely areas (possibly subconsciously unaware) of default beliefs and rules acquired from youth.

Why did this happen? The young, malleable mind will dissociate if faced with chronic distress. Here are some examples:

  • Certain thoughts, feelings, and / or actions were consistently disapproved by parents / highly esteemed people.
  • Unhealthy, obsolete standards of those same people were adopted.

When these developments go unchecked, they stop us from becoming our unique selves as we are living with hand-me-down values and expectations.

Without introspection and mature evaluation, we continue living without the integration we and our families need. If our mind and heart are not one, we will not be able to show up with our whole selves, our best self, our truest self. And we need this to effectively overcome the problems that show up in the area of life that matters most—relationships. Without healthy, successful relationships, we will never achieve our most meaningful goals, whether at home or at work.

Integration is what will empower us to be radically candid and deeply compassionate. In other words, wisdom to choose what is genuinely right and benevolent; courage to do what is truly loving.

Second integration is work-life.

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This is a derivative of the first. If our core is cohesive, we will come to understand that the various areas of life are all connected. What we do in one affects the others. So we develop a way to think and act that enables us to show up at home and work with our whole self, our best self, our true self.

When we're at work, we give our best. But we put appropriate limits so we can prioritize healthy habits. Sleep. Diet and exercise. Family time. Fun. Personal interests. 

When we're integrated, we realize we will not do the good we ought if we don't protect our personal wellness from work and even our defaults that want to give work free reign.

When working on Toy Story 2, a couple working for Pixar left their infant strapped in the car and almost lost their child to the heat. They had worked 6 months, working long nights 7 days a week, giving everything they had. Fortunately the wife asked the husband about the day care drop off. They rushed out to the car to find the baby unconscious but in time to revive their precious one. After completion of that film, Catmull (CEO) realized a third of the staff suffered some kind of repetitive stress injury. He vowed never to make a movie that way again. "...a motivated, workaholic workforce pulling together to make a deadline—could destroy itself if left unchecked. It was management's job to take the long view to intervene and protect our people from their willingness to pursue excellence at all costs. Not to do so would be irresponsible." Catmull goes on to say, "If we are in this for the long haul, we have to take care of ourselves, support healthy habits, and encourage our employees to have fulfilling lives outside of work."

Without attention and commitment to integration, we can lose sight of essentials and compromise our capacities and abilities to live and work well for decades to come.

Integration is oneness; it's a philosophy of life that stems from 'both-and', not 'either-or'. And it happens when our souls are well. Our soul is the most important part of us; it is the integrator of body, mind, and heart with real, sustainable, benevolent life.

Elevate your commitment to your soul, your integration, your family, your organization, your future and that of all those you touch.