Time doesn't stand still and things change. People change. To thrive and succeed, you and your family members will need to lead and manage effectively.
"The most common cause of executive failure is inability or unwillingness to change with the demands of a new position."
Drucker, Peter F.
How true this is in parenting! We become the most important persons in the world for another human being (for a limited time), often without clarity about the demands of the ever-evolving role.
Sure we can figure out sleep patterns, feedings, diapers and cleaning up poop. But once we master that, the little ones become mobile and probably verbal. They start testing our instructions and decisions. They're extremely adept at letting us know they're upset. If we have not become proficient in regulating our emotions, we're going to have a rough time comforting our kids.
Are we able and willing to change with the dynamic demands of being a parent?
As our children develop autonomy and initiative, we want to wisely provide boundaries for their safety but also opportunities to foster their ever growing capacities and abilities. Again, if we have not fortified our management of our interior, it's likely we will become unbalanced, either too controlling or too lenient.
When the time comes for K-12th grade academic learning and extracurricular experiences, our children are developing competencies and character for future success. With the abundance of offerings, we find no shortage of activities and programs to fill our schedules. By this time, if we still have not addressed our need for integration and emotional health, our schedules are busting at the seams and our souls are dying. We're exhausted and unprepared for the most challenging season of our children's lives—adolescence.
The transition from child to adult is never easy for anyone: parents, teachers, coaches, siblings, as well as the one going through it. It's a time of letting go of the old and discovering one's true self. This is absolutely essential if one is to integrate head and heart to effectively collaborate with others to create and contribute to a desired future.
If we haven't successfully individuated, we're still living encumbered with others' beliefs and values (most likely cultural and family or origin). And this is fine if we've had the freedom to evaluate them and decide we want to keep them. This transformation frees us to design a life that is relevant, successful, and fulfilling. Along this path, we are able to grow healthy, intimate relationships. And as we develop our capacity and ability to live and work closely with another, we become people who make a difference, positively impacting how things are done and made.
To be an effective executive requires tracking where our time goes and giving time to activities that take advantage of opportunities. This keeps our focus on creation and innovation that will prove most helpful as our loved ones get older. This can also be the best way to solve problems. Because often times, directly reacting only addresses symptoms rather than root, systemic issues.
Let's say your child is chronically grumpy and disrespectful. Simply reprimanding them is a waste of time and causes further distancing. Not helpful. What may be needed is creation of time and space for play, rest, and family. Rather than trying to change our children's attitudes, we need to rework how we are connecting and recharging. This shifts our attention to potential rather than what we find upsetting.
Becoming a parent is taking on the role of an executive. To be effective, we must understand that it begins with how we lead and manage ourselves. Our children are substantially impacted by the environment and rhythms we create.
The culture we create reflects our inner life. If it's one of peace and joy, so will be our home, regardless of size. But if we're anxious and reactive, our kids will be adversely affected. They will naturally, unconsciously try to accommodate and adapt.
It's not that we need to make everything perfect for our family. Rather we want to help them be ready to weather storms and prepared for opportunities. But we shouldn't be the source of uncertainty. We don't want to be the ones who stumble them in their development.
In our kids' formative years, we are the source of trust and security that empowers them to explore their expanding world. Without our effective leadership, they will struggle with mistrust, shame, doubt, guilt, and inferiority. If we don't make changes by the time they become adolescents, their challenge evolves into role confusion and isolation.
I'm not saying we are absolutely determinative but our influence cannot be underestimated. We must see the need to take our leadership at home to the next level so our love effectively benefits our family members for long term happiness and fulfillment.
Elevate your effectiveness as an executive at home by prioritizing awareness of your interior and create experiences that impact your fundamental organizing principles.
Next steps:
Email me (familyconnectionscoach@gmail.com) to start a dialogue about life changing experiences.
Pick up a copy of my book, Growth- Centered Family for more in-depth content on this.
Book a free 30 minute coaching session!